When someone suffers from an addiction, they are not the only person affected. The families and friends of the individual who is using can also have their lives flipped upside down. While none of these loved ones get away from addiction unscathed, the people that are affected the most are the children of the substance user. It doesn’t matter if the addiction is to alcohol or drugs, the parents’ actions can alter the life of their children in more ways than one:
Take On Role of Caregiver
When parents are using, they are often unable to care for any of their children in a proper way. This causes the older children to step up and take on the job that the parent should be fulfilling. They become the matriarch of the household, taking on the cleaning, cooking, and caretaking responsibilities. Many children also end up taking care of their parent, which no child should ever have to do. Instead of enjoying a childhood full of playing with friends, they are forced to grow up and take on adult responsibilities much sooner than they should have to.
Lose Trust in Others
It is not uncommon for children of substance users to lose trust in all people who hold power positions, such as teachers, grandparents, and other well-meaning adults. Even though it is always possible for children to overcome this lack of trust, more often than not, it follows them into adulthood. Meaningful relationships can be hard to sustain, and instead, these children will seek out people who are also addicted to drugs or alcohol because it is something that is familiar to them.
Act Out in Search of Attention
The emotions that a child of a substance user has to deal with are complex. Some feel shameful of their parent and try to keep the situation a secret from others, while others blame themselves, feel insecure, frustrated, and lonely. One of the most common feelings that these children face is neglect. They don’t get the love, praise, or attention that every child deserves, and they desperately want it.
In order to get noticed, many children will act out. They may not get praise when they do something right, but they will certainly get their parents’ attention when they do something wrong, and to them, any attention is better than being ignored.
Have Trouble Succeeding in Life
It doesn’t matter what the substance is, if a parent is abusing alcohol or drugs, there is no way for them to provide their children with everything they require to meet their physical and emotional needs. Of course, the amount of neglect varies, but some children may not even learn the proper way to brush their teeth or be taught to shower regularly.
In addition to a lack of personal hygiene, children of substance users can also lack communication skills because they are afraid to talk about anything going on in their lives. This makes it very hard for them to make friends, build relationships, and head out into the real world.
Even though living with a parent who uses substances affects every child differently, growing up without getting basic needs met is not easy to overcome. Even if the children are fed, clothed, and have somewhere to sleep, they are certainly not getting the emotional support they require. This unstable family environment can lead to a lifetime of trouble for the child, including them getting involved in drugs and alcohol themselves. Again, it is possible for these negative effects to be overcome, but it is certainly not an easy road for anyone involved.
When a parent chooses to do drugs, they are essentially altering their children’s lives. Even if the harm is not intentional, it is impossible to live with an addiction and give children all of the love and support they crave. It is important that any individual using drugs or alcohol makes the decision to recover, but when they are a parent, it is crucial. In doing so, they will not only change their life for the better, they will give their children the chance they deserve to succeed in life.
Sources
http://addictioninfamily.com/family-issues/children-affected-by-addiction/
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