How to Communicate with Someone in Rehab

Effectively communicating with a loved one in rehab is often difficult. When a friend or loved one enters treatment, it is natural to experience a variety of conflicting emotions. You may feel great relief that your loved one is finally receiving the treatment that he or she needs. On the other hand, it’s natural to be anxious about the treatment’s outcome. Will your loved one really be “getting better” and embracing a sober life? How can you reconcile the pain and hurt your loved one may have caused you with your desire to support their recovery process? Understanding the right ways to communicate with someone in rehab is essential to successfully supporting their treatment process.

Effective communication is also important when it comes to creating space for a constructive conversation about the ways that a loved one may have hurt you in the past with their behaviors, and opening a dialogue about love and forgiveness. Writing a letter and attending a joint counseling session are two ways to initiate constructive communications with a loved one who is currently in rehab.

Writing a Letter

What to Say

Writing a letter to a loved one is a positive way to express your emotions and support your loved one. Most importantly, by writing a letter, you are in control of what you say and how you say it. You may find that multiple drafts of the letter are necessary in order to effectively express your emotions and communicate exactly what you wish to say.

If your loved one wronged you, it’s natural to feel frustrated, hurt, betrayed and wish to express these emotions which communicating with your loved one. However, it is best to refrain from being judgmental, bringing up the past, or chastising your loved one.

1. Start with love and forgiveness

It is important to discuss how your loved one’s addiction and behaviors have hurt you. However, a joint counseling session that is facilitated by an addiction counselor at the treatment center is generally a better environment for discussing these emotions. When it comes to reaching out to your loved one through a letter, focus instead on expressing understanding and forgiveness.

2. Build confidence

Your loved one needs to hear that you believe in him or her. Tell your loved one how much you have always valued their companionship and admired their accomplishments. Focus on positive qualities and traits. If your loved one has tried to stop abusing drugs or alcohol in the past and failed, reiterate your support for their sobriety. Phrases like, “I am proud of you for taking this step” and “I respect your commitment to sobriety” will help build confidence. Your encouragement and confidence building will increase your loved one’s chances for success.

3. Offer support

Many individuals in treatment fear that their loved ones will not understand their struggles with addiction and why they cannot simply “get sober” through willpower alone. In your letter, let your loved one know that you understand the challenges they have faced and that you are here to support them through each step in their journey back to sobriety.

If appropriate, let your loved one know that you have spoken with their treatment counselors and are learning more about the treatment process. This shows your loved one that you are taking a genuine interest in their recovery. However, keep in mind that while you are here to tolerate your loved one’s struggles, you are not here to tolerate their abuse. Set boundaries when it comes to offering help and stick to those boundaries. While it can be difficult to walk the line between being supportive and co-dependent, it’s critical that you do so.

Attending a Joint Counseling Session in Rehab

What to Say

Talk to the counselor in advance of the session. If you will be attending a joint counseling session with a loved one, talk to the addiction specialist or counselor prior to the start of the session. Ask the counselor how the session will be structured and what to expect. While this session is an opportunity for you to express hurt and anger that you may feel, it is important to do so in a constructive manner.

Yelling, screaming, crying, or otherwise letting your emotions get out of control will do little to help you or your loved one. Let the counselor know in advance that you wish to address how your loved one’s behavior negatively impacted your life and the lives of others. The counselor can then bring this behavior up and help facilitate a constructive discussion.

Prepare what you want to say

Spend some time prior to the session preparing what you wish to say. Talking to your loved one face-to-face while they are in treatment can be incredibly emotional; after all, this may be the first time in a long time that you are able to have a conversation with your loved one while they are sober. Spending some time in advance to prepare what you wish to say will help you find the right words for constructively articulating your feelings.

Constructively communicate your emotions

When it comes time to seeing your loved one face-to-face, it is natural to feel a strong rush of emotion. If you are still deeply hurting from past transgressions and unable to constructively discuss these feelings, you may wish to delay this meeting. It is not helpful to express anger and resentment. Be aware that your loved one may also be struggling to cope with and communicate their frustrations while sober. By maintaining a calm, centered presence – rather than overwhelming your loved one with emotion or accusations – you create a safe space for constructive dialogue.

Help your loved one take responsibility

Part of the purpose of addiction rehabilitation counseling is to help individuals take responsibility for their actions and past mistakes. Your loved one needs to be completing addiction treatment for himself and not for anyone else.

If your loved one says, “I’m here for you”, gently remind them that they are here for themselves first. Being in treatment may help to save your relationship, but that’s not the primary reason for being in treatment. Your loved one is in treatment to take care of their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

Emphasize the importance of self-care and that loving oneself and putting oneself first is not selfish, but healthy. Should your loved one become emotional or accusatory, respond in a calm, firm manner. Allow the counselor to move the conversation in a more constructive direction.

Preparing for Life After Rehab: Supporting a Loved One Through the Transition

The completion of rehab is an emotional experience. Your loved one may feel a sense of accomplishment as well as dread – leaving the safety and security of an inpatient treatment center for the “real world” is both exciting and overwhelming.

Between 40 to 60 percent of individuals who struggle with addiction relapse at least once, according to National Institute on Drug Abuse. Individuals who have completed treatment need to be independent, but they will also need support to help them do so.

Congratulate your loved one on completing treatment

Completing treatment is a major accomplishment, and your loved one will appreciate your recognizing this accomplishment. Congratulate your loved one again on the decision to enter treatment and proactively take control of his or her life.

Addiction and substance abuse can cause a significant amount of damage not only to an individual’s physical health, but also their emotional well-being. Reaffirm your commitment to helping them stay sober after they leave rehab by supporting their physical and emotional health.

Offer concrete ways to support

While saying “I’m here to help” can mean a lot, offering concrete ways to support your loved one will make an even bigger difference. For example, if your loved one does not have access to a car, you may offer to drive him or her to and from outpatient counseling sessions or support meetings.

If your loved one does not currently have a job or would like to make a career change, you could offer to help write a resume, or drive them to interviews. Even a simple act like offering to attend a meeting together can make a tremendous difference and remind your loved one that he or she is not alone.

If you are not sure about the best ways to support your loved one, talk to their treatment specialists. They can help suggest concrete ways to support your loved one that will proactively facilitate their recovery while still empowering them to take control of their own lives.

Express hope for the future

Just as you did in your first letter to a loved one in rehab, continue to express hope about the future. Give your loved one something positive to look forward to once they leave treatment and return to independent living. While it is great to talk about resuming favorite traditions, like your Saturday night movie and dinner date night.

Keep in mind, returning to old patterns of behavior may also increase the likelihood that an individual will relapse. Instead, discuss doing something brand new together that neither of you have ever done. This could be learning a new skill, like how to ski or play a musical instrument, or visiting a new place together on vacation.

When suggesting plans, approach these plans with sensitivity. Don’t be overbearing in your plans; give your loved one space to participate in the planning process with you. Try using phrases such as, “I am open to your suggestions” and “Let’s plan this together.” Let your loved one set the pace for future activities after rehab.

Support Your Loved Ones Sobriety Always

The most important thing you can do for your loved one is to support their commitment to sobriety. Positive communication that congratulates your loved one on the decision to seek treatment, offers love and forgiveness, constructively acknowledges past hurts and expresses hope for the future, is the most effective way to communicate with someone who is in rehab.